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Thursday, March 31, 2016

The Awful Wait.

I forgot how awful the "conception journey" is.
It. is. the. WORST.

I know, I know, at least I CAN conceive. Seriously, I wish I could give half my fertility to someone who needs it! For real.
If I could could "Donate" some of my fertility I would not hesitate! Super fertility can be great for those who are just super fertile and have everything else functioning correctly. Me, I have it and a lack of a "sorting" system which has caused all my miscarriages and will probably cause many more because there is no "remedy" and "temporary fix". 
I wish there was.

Anyway, back to my conception journey.

The first time It was frustrating because I could get pregnant but I couldn't keep a pregnancy going for too long. 
It was:

Now it's:
Over think.
Over think.
Over think.
Over think.
Over think.
Over think.
Over think.
Over think.
Over think.
Over think.
Over think.
Over think.
Over think.
Over think.
Over think.
Over think.

The first "Over Thinks" were basically my fear post. 
It was:
When do we try?
How close can we manage two kids?
What if we have twins? (I've been pregnant with twins before)
How close can we manage 3 kids?
Will I miscarry?
Is there a chance of a huge gap?
yada yada yada

That's just a few of the main ones.

Once we made the decision to start trying Satan popped in my life like " HERE I AM. I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU HATE EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING BECAUSE I'M A JERK."
He's snuck in so many evil, fearful, awful thoughts in my mind.
Which means we've made the right decision right?

Anyway, I'm sure everyone can relate to this next section whether you're on your 1st or 20th kid, whether or not you've had easy pregnancies or hard ones, Whether or no you've miscarried or not, Whether or not you need medical help to get pregnant or not.
It's all an awful waiting game.
Here's some of my thoughts on it.

Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, is a "symptom".
Every pregnancy announcement stirs up a little jealousy.
Every "fail" with your current kid turns into a panic attack of "I can't have another! It's too stressful!"
Every miscarriage story makes you fear.
Satan takes EVERY slight doubt and turns it into depression.
Your Pinterest boards fill up with baby pins.
If you're like me, you start prepping, buying diapers, clothes, cute fun little baby things!
You start talking to your husband and say things like "When we have the next kid..." or "When I'm pregnant again..." etc.

And of course, the worst part of it all:
You buy and take 23840852836467052 pregnancy tests.

Did I miss anything? Haha

Always Smile!


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