Bringing on a storm.

I don't know how many people will check or read this post, but I just need to vent some of my thoughts with no fear.

The only problem... that's why I'm typing. Fear.

Fear is suffocating me recently. 

I know it's Satan's favorite tool. 

I can see why.

He can see every angle. 

Let me show you what I mean by listing some of my recent fears.

Alex and I have started trying for baby number 2.
We figured we can handle babies 18 months apart. Right?

Fear:

What if I miscarry again?

What if die during a miscarriage and leave my husband and son?

What if I can't get pregnant to begin with?

What if Xander's my one and done?

What if he never gets to be a big brother?

So, there's basically round number one. There's more, but that could go on for hours.

Round two happens when I am snuggle Xander, or having a super sweet moment with him.

Will I ever have moments like this with Xander if I have another baby?

What if I get too sick while pregnant to play with him?

What if I'm NOT ready for 2 babies so close?

But If I wait to keep trying, will I have a huge gap between Xander and his sibling that they will never get to bond?

And then here's more that just come whenever they want because Satan's a jerk.

Xander has an ER visit for eating something he shouldnt have:

How can I be a mom of two when I can't keep track of my one?

What if they call CPS and take my kids away if this happens again?

What if one of my kids die because they get into something they aren't supposed to?

Xander teethes:

I'm barely functioning now, how could I care for two instead of managing just one?

What do i do when two crying babies both need me?

Xander gets jealous when I hold another child:

What if he feels unloved when my attention is split?

How do moms of more than one kid do this?

What if Xander hurts our new baby?

Loading up the car and going shopping

What if i can't shop with two babies and something bad happens?

What if i leave one is the car and become one of "Those moms"?

Then there's the rest of these that just pop up whenever.
What if we get pregnant and have a still birth?

What if the baby has a birth defect and dies?

What if i have a preemie baby?

What if I have a late term miscarriage?
What if i have Ectopic pregnancies and they have to remove everything so i can never have anymore children?

What if. What if. WHAT IF!?

What if I just let God be in charge and quite letting Satan interfere?

What if I prayed more and worried less?

What if I enjoyed the times I have with my only baby, because he may not be my only for long?

What if I did my part and let God do the rest?

So here's to possibly bringing on another storm and hoping we get a second Rainbow baby!

Wish me luck :)

Always Smile!

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

October it Breast Cancer Awareness month! 

Did you know it's also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month?
Most people don't!

This is a great month as people raise awareness about Breast Cancer and many people wear pink ribbons or just pink in general and everyone knows what they are supporting.

This month remember to add a little blue as a memory to all those babies that have been lost, no matter at what age!

October 15th is officially a day to remember Pregnancy and Infant Losses. 

Did you know 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriages?

Did you know that 6 out of 1000 babies die before the age of one (after having a live birth)?

Did you know most of those moms and dads think they are alone?

I know at first I did, but I was never afraid to talk about my losses. It was the hardest thing I have EVER had to go through in my life, but in speaking out about my experience I have gained great friendships, given courage and hope to others that have gone through or are currently going through a miscarriage themselves, and I have gained a greater piece of mind.

If you have a blog and have shared your miscarriage story, please leave the link in the comments below! I would love to read your story and have it there so others can read it and find strength also.

I have not yet typed up my full story, but on October 15th I will type up and post my full story of mine and my husband's miscarriages and how we got through! I challenge you (Of course only if you feel comfortable) to share your story on that day too!

You are not alone, you never have been and never will be! 

Always Smile!