tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20503141837038715082024-03-05T16:12:38.840-08:00Happy Haws HomeAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15484057397620711835noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2050314183703871508.post-51017427819261449572016-03-31T19:19:00.004-07:002016-03-31T19:19:35.435-07:00The Awful Wait.<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I forgot how awful the "conception journey" is.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It. is. the. WORST.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I know, I know, at least I CAN conceive. Seriously, I wish I could give half my fertility to someone who needs it! For real.<br />If I could could "Donate" some of my fertility I would not hesitate! Super fertility can be great for those who are just super fertile and have everything else functioning correctly. Me, I have it and a lack of a "sorting" system which has caused all my miscarriages and will probably cause many more because there is no "remedy" and "temporary fix". </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I wish there was.<br /><br />Anyway, back to my conception journey.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The first time It was frustrating because I could get pregnant but I couldn't keep a pregnancy going for too long. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It was:</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Try.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Wait.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Excitement.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Panic.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Sadness.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Depression.<br />Hope.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Repeat.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Now it's:</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Over think.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Over think.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Over think.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Over think.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Over think.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Over think.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Over think.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Over think.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Try.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Over think.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Over think.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Over think.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Over think.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Over think.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Over think.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Over think.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Over think.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The first "Over Thinks" were basically my fear post. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It was:</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>When do we try?</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>How close can we manage two kids?</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>What if we have twins? (I've been pregnant with twins before)</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>How close can we manage 3 kids?</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Will I miscarry?</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Is there a chance of a huge gap?</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>yada yada yada</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
That's just a few of the main ones.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Once we made the decision to start trying Satan popped in my life like " HERE I AM. I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU HATE EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING BECAUSE I'M A JERK."</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
He's snuck in so many evil, fearful, awful thoughts in my mind.</div>
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Which means we've made the right decision right?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Anyway, I'm sure everyone can relate to this next section whether you're on your 1st or 20th kid, whether or not you've had easy pregnancies or hard ones, Whether or no you've miscarried or not, Whether or not you need medical help to get pregnant or not.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It's all an awful waiting game.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Here's some of my thoughts on it.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, is a "symptom".</div>
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Every pregnancy announcement stirs up a little jealousy.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Every "fail" with your current kid turns into a panic attack of "I can't have another! It's too stressful!"</div>
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Every miscarriage story makes you fear.</div>
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Satan takes EVERY slight doubt and turns it into depression.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Your Pinterest boards fill up with baby pins.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
If you're like me, you start prepping, buying diapers, clothes, cute fun little baby things!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
You start talking to your husband and say things like "When we have the next kid..." or "When I'm pregnant again..." etc.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And of course, the worst part of it all:</div>
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You buy and take 23840852836467052 pregnancy tests.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Did I miss anything? Haha</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Always Smile!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15484057397620711835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2050314183703871508.post-70200539260872333352016-03-31T18:19:00.005-07:002016-03-31T18:22:45.563-07:00Bringing on a storm.<div style="text-align: center;">
I don't know how many people will check or read this post, but I just need to vent some of my thoughts with no fear.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The only problem... that's why I'm typing. Fear.</div>
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Fear is suffocating me recently. </div>
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I know it's Satan's favorite tool. </div>
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I can see why.</div>
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He can see every angle. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Let me show you what I mean by listing some of my recent fears.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Alex and I have started trying for baby number 2.<br />
We figured we can handle babies 18 months apart. Right?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Fear:</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>What if I miscarry again?</i></div>
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<i>What if die during a miscarriage and leave my husband and son?</i></div>
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<i>What if I can't get pregnant to begin with?</i></div>
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<i>What if Xander's my one and done?</i></div>
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<i>What if he never gets to be a big brother?</i></div>
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So, there's basically round number one. There's more, but that could go on for hours.</div>
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Round two happens when I am snuggle Xander, or having a super sweet moment with him.</div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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<i>Will I ever have moments like this with Xander if I have another baby?</i></div>
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<i>What if I get too sick while pregnant to play with him?</i></div>
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<i>What if I'm NOT ready for 2 babies so close?</i></div>
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<i>But If I wait to keep trying, will I have a huge gap between Xander and his sibling that they will never get to bond?</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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And then here's more that just come whenever they want because Satan's a jerk.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Xander has an ER visit for eating something he shouldnt have:</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>How can I be a mom of two when I can't keep track of my one?</i></div>
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<i>What if they call CPS and take my kids away if this happens again?</i></div>
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<i>What if one of my kids die because they get into something they aren't supposed to?</i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Xander teethes:</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>I'm barely functioning now, how could I care for two instead of managing just one?</i></div>
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<i>What do i do when two crying babies both need me?</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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Xander gets jealous when I hold another child:</div>
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<i>What if he feels unloved when my attention is split?</i></div>
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<i>How do moms of more than one kid do this?</i></div>
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<i>What if Xander hurts our new baby?</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Loading up the car and going shopping</div>
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<i>What if i can't shop with two babies and something bad happens?</i></div>
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<i>What if i leave one is the car and become one of "Those moms"?</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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Then there's the rest of these that just pop up whenever.<br />
<i>What if we get pregnant and have a still birth?</i></div>
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<i>What if the baby has a birth defect and dies?</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>What if i have a preemie baby?</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>What if I have a late term miscarriage?<br />What if i have Ectopic pregnancies and they have to remove everything so i can never have anymore children?</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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<i>What if. What if. WHAT IF!?</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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What if I just let God be in charge and quite letting Satan interfere?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
What if I prayed more and worried less?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
What if I enjoyed the times I have with my only baby, because he may not be my only for long?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
What if I did my part and let God do the rest?</div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So here's to possibly bringing on another storm and hoping we get a second Rainbow baby!</div>
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Wish me luck :)</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Always Smile!</div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15484057397620711835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2050314183703871508.post-58490978906259336062015-11-06T14:38:00.001-08:002015-11-06T14:41:53.324-08:00I Didn't Know It Would Still Hurt....<div style="text-align: center;">
Today I got an email reminding me that my twins (Whom I miscarried on Easter Last year) would be turning one soon...</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I must have signed up for some club thing when I was pregnant and it hasn't emailed me until now. </div>
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For some reason, since I received that email this morning, I've had a constant ache in my heart. Not that I ever forgot about them, that miscarriage was my hardest, but that's the ONLY miscarriage I had that I knew my due date beforehand... I even knew and was very aware that their "due date" day was coming up... I've been prepping for it, and yet, that email just threw me off my groove. I tried to distract myself by getting dressed and putting makeup on and trying to feel a little less like a zombie. It didn't work... I even delayed a project a friend and I had planned days ago. I kind of just feel hallow and I burst into tears at the most random things... Doesn't exactly make for great company.</div>
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<br /></div>
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But a year ago I didn't know...</div>
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I didn't know I would still hurt from time to time.</div>
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I didn't know my grief would return.</div>
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I didn't know I'd still cry.</div>
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I didn't know it would hurt so bad to lose someone I never even met.</div>
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I didn't know if i would ever get to be a mother to more than Angels.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I didn't know that after all my losses I would finally have my son.</div>
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I didn't know I could ever love someone so much. </div>
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I didn't know it wasn't the end of the world.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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But now I know...</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I know I WILL grieve and I will probably grieve every year around this same time. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I know no matter how much I prep for the pain, it's still going to be painful! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I know even though I have a living and happy baby, I will still grieve for the ones that never made it. It doesn't mean I love my son any less, and I shouldn't have to feel guilty, though I did earlier today (Which only made me cry harder). </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I know I don't have to avoid everyone when I'm having a hard day, though that one may take practice....</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Now I know the love my Mom has for me. I finally understand why she does what she does for me. Why she tries so hard to protect me, guide me, love me, and keep in touch. A mother's love is the strongest emotion I have EVER felt. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And finally,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I know I may have only had those babies grow inside me for a short time, but they will always be in my heart forever.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And that's ok.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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Always Smile!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15484057397620711835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2050314183703871508.post-10477128609222733142015-10-15T11:31:00.000-07:002016-02-23T15:16:50.141-08:001 in 5<div style="text-align: center;">
<div class="MsoNormal">
When someone says "1 in 5" what do you think?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I'll give you a hint, it's a statistic.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A statistic I hope you never have to experience.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Miscarriage.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1 in 5 pregnancies end in a miscarriage.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Recurrent miscarriage consists of 3 or more miscarriages in
a row and only 1 in 100 women will have a recurrent miscarriage.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I'm one. I am 1 in 100. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As for the 1 in 5, I am 1 in 5 in a different way. 1 birth
and living baby out of 5 pregnancies.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In December 2012 I married my handsome husband Alex! In
February 2013 we decided it was time for us to start our own little family. In
March and then later in November I miscarried. With both those miscarriages I
had no clue I was pregnant until after I had miscarried and I only made it
about 6 weeks (According to my falling hormone levels). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On March 12 2014 I saw the most beautiful two lines I have
ever seen... <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I WAS PREGNANT! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For me, this was the first time I actually got to see the
lines and know I was pregnant. I ran downstairs to my husband and I emailed my
mom. I was beyond thrilled. I scheduled an appointment with an OB but they
wanted me to wait until I would be about 10 weeks. For me, 10 weeks was a LONG
time considering I was not very good at making it passed 6 weeks. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When it got closer to my appointment, I got more and more
excited. The day before my appointment I woke up about 9 o'clock at night in
the worst pain imaginable. I'd had kidney stones but they could not even TOUCH
the pain I was feeling. I got up and went to the bathroom thinking I was just
passing the largest stone ever, but there was blood... LOTS of blood. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was doubled over in pain i could barely talk. Once i
finally caught my breath I remember screaming "ALEX!"<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He jumped straight out of bed from a dead sleep. I couldn't
catch my breath again to tell him that something was wrong but he knew. He
could tell I was in way too much pain. So, we got up and rushed to the nearest
Emergency Room. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was there that I went through full labor and passed my
twins. We had no clue we were having twins and I was crushed. This was my first
time really experiencing a miscarriage. Feeling the pain. The loss. The broken
heart.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I spent another few hours in the hospital after I passed the
babies to make sure there were no complications. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We got home at 1 in the morning on a Sunday. Alex was kind
enough to pin up blankets on all the windows in the room so that I could sleep
as long as I wanted. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Later that day I got up to grab some food and curl back up
in bed when the doorbell rang. It was one of my very dear friends and I had to
put on a happy face. She noticed I had an ER bracelet and asked. I was not
ready for someone to ask. She was one of the only other people I had told that
I was pregnant so of course she asked if the baby was ok. I quickly responded
it was just another kidney stone and she left. For the next hour I sat in my
bed crying. Eventually I cried myself asleep and didn't wake up until the
middle of the night and only got up to eat. That routine basically became my
life for the next two weeks. I slept. I ate. I cried.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My friend ended up coming back bringing up dinner. She and
her husband stayed for a little while, so of course, the truth came out. I had
only told our mother's what had happened and that was just through an email. It
could never have prepared me to say it out loud to someone.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One evening when I woke up after sleeping all day, I started
going downstairs to get some food. I heard Alex crying and talking to someone
so I stopped on the stairs to listen.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He was on the phone with his mom. There he was, crying his
eyes out, telling his mom how hard it had been on him to go to school while
grieving the loss of out babies. <o:p></o:p></div>
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That's when it hit me. I was being selfish. I wasn't the
only one who had lost the babies, my husband had too. I went back upstairs to
bed since I knew Alex was coming up to bed. <o:p></o:p></div>
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That night we laid in bed crying together. <o:p></o:p></div>
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This was the moment I realized I was not alone, that I would
never be alone. Maybe that is what made my next miscarriage much easier to get
through.<o:p></o:p></div>
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So, 10 1/2 short weeks later I was losing another baby the morning of my first OB appointment for the baby. This may be too much information (You've now been warned) but I was able to catch the baby. So, we took the baby with us so they could test it to see why my body could not hold on to even one baby!</div>
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A few weeks later we went back in for the news. I was so afraid. Afraid of what my doctor was going to say. Afraid I would never be able to have a child of my own.</div>
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You know what she said? </div>
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"All the tests on the fetus came back fine. There was nothing wrong with it. Your hormone levels are great, your uterus looks great, so my conclusion is you are too fertile."</div>
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Too fertile?</div>
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TOO fertile?</div>
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What does that even mean? </div>
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Well, this is what It means:</div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "geneva" , sans-serif; line-height: 16px;"><span style="color: red; font-size: x-small;">There was a small study recently that looked at women who’d suffered recurrent miscarriages. It found that the endometrium of these women might be extremely receptive to embryos, allowing even poor-quality ones to embed and survive for longer. So, the women studied were falling pregnant very easily, but the embryos weren’t necessarily healthy enough to survive – hence the repeated miscarriages. The media went crazy with claims of ‘super’ fertility, which makes it sound like a positive thing. However, these women don’t have lots of babies, they have lots of miscarriages.</span></span><br />
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At this point, my doctor said that I may never have a live birth, but she was determined to try!</div>
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Only a few short months later I was pregnant again! Thankfully I had the wonderful doctor I did, she calmed all my nerves and fears. She got me on progesterone and closely monitored me my entire pregnancy. Out of my miscarriage storm FINALLY came my rainbow baby boy! :)</div>
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My pregnancy wasn't easy and we had many scares but it was SO worth it!<br />
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I hope everyone that is going through or has gone through miscarriages gets their rainbow baby(s). </div>
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There are many people who have asked me how I got through all my miscarriages. My answer will always be that same. I let myself grieve, I cried, I prayed, I cried some more, and I prayed a little harder! I've gone through miscarriages that I let myself grieve and miscarriages where I tried to hold it all in. The ones where I let myself grieve were a lot easier to get through. You lost a baby. A human being. It's going to hurt physically and emotionally!The grieving process is the same as if you lost a different family member. I never needed counseling, but some people may need it! Do NOT be ashamed if you do! </div>
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The reason I am sharing my story today is October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day. The entire month of October is to be aware of those mothers who grieve in silence. Today is the day we all come together and remember who we lost.</div>
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Leave a link in the comments if you end up doing something in memory of your lost ones. I would love to see it! Thanks for reading and sharing with me.</div>
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Always Smile!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15484057397620711835noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2050314183703871508.post-76563668931021249812015-10-09T01:23:00.000-07:002015-10-09T12:56:58.669-07:00Pay It Forward<div style="text-align: center;">
If you're reading this you probably didn't take notice to what time this post was written and posted.</div>
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Well, now you have. </div>
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I can't sleep. I just can't. I guess yesterday's events shook me up more than I thought. </div>
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So, just after midnight, after tossing and turning, disturbing both Alex's and Xander's sleep I decided to get up and get a drink. I guess we left the T.V. on so after I turned it off, I noticed on the the floor, in front of our front door, an envelope. We (well Alex) had just cleaned up the Apartment so I thought it was strange that we had missed something like that. </div>
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I picked it up and on the front was written words from a beautiful Hymn, it said "Because I have been given much..."</div>
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I opened the envelope and inside was a gift card for Walmart. Needless to say I began to bawl my eyes out like a big baby. It's seriously a miracle I even have any tears left after today.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPeGd8DdkAl6Wzfryb2CthudNwZtzrt3Edvu7YNS58P4R6V2-VFQequ-E5cZwDdLL0d-kREdvfFcaEyK_-7ZXJw67qIbDehKAl2rMq-MqLtbcQI7UOg3LVxkL-VUczyXYzlbt3B9775mk/s1600/IMG_7208edited.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPeGd8DdkAl6Wzfryb2CthudNwZtzrt3Edvu7YNS58P4R6V2-VFQequ-E5cZwDdLL0d-kREdvfFcaEyK_-7ZXJw67qIbDehKAl2rMq-MqLtbcQI7UOg3LVxkL-VUczyXYzlbt3B9775mk/s320/IMG_7208edited.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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So, to the wonderful person who shoved that envelope under my door, </div>
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THANK YOU.</div>
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I love you and I promise, I will pay it forward. Thanks to you another beautiful Hymn comes to mind. It goes "Count your many blessings" and I am certainly counting that as one of mine. :)<br />
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Edit (10/9/15 12:38pm): Since I wrote this article early this morning I woke up to emails and facebook messages with kind offers to help us out this month. THANK YOU! Words can not express the gratitude I feel to all of you :) I am so grateful that we have so many friends and family that love us and have offered us so much! We lovingly decline all offers of financial support but we promise that your act of kindness has not gone unnoticed! I fully plan to pay it forward on all those offers in one way or another! Thanks again to everyone for the support and loving words :)<br />
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Always Smile!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15484057397620711835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2050314183703871508.post-71676775787378960802015-10-08T14:50:00.000-07:002015-10-08T14:52:30.944-07:00A Letter To My Thief...To the young man that stole my wallet,<br />
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Today started out as a great day. We sold our car we've been meaning to sell for a year now, someone paid for part of my groceries at the store, and then it all came to a complete halt as I watched you run away.<br />
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You came up so friendly. You were young looking, about 18-19, and you came to play with my baby. I love it when people play with him, because he is my world and seriously the greatest joy of my life. I loved that he was being distracted while I unloaded my cart into my trunk. You were playing so nice with him, you must be around kids a lot.<br />
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Then I made the mistake of removing my sons blanket from his lap. I always keep my wallet next to his leg. Always. He is always with me really close so I never think about it.<br />
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You played with him so nicely, he was smiling and grunting with delight! I turned my back for 5 seconds and you ran.<br />
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I have never EVER been so scared in my life. I thought you had unstrapped and taken my son. I was ready to go mama bear on you and tear you limb from limb. When I ran around the cart he was still there, confused at why his new friend had run away.<br />
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I turned to watch you run, I didn't understand what made you leave. I turned back to my son and saw my wallet was gone. I wanted to run after you, I wanted to take you down, but my son was far more important than anything else you could have taken from me.<br />
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I watched you run across the parking lot and finally toss my wallet to the side of the road. So, I loaded my son up and drove where you discarded my wallet. I was surprised when all my credit cards, gift cards, and checks were there.<br />
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You took all my cash though, all of it. All $170 dollars.<br />
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I hope you needed it. I hope you use it to feed your family, or pay for school stuff, or gas for your car. I want to think the best of you.<br />
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I also want you to know how guilty I feel. I feel guilty that I was not careful, that I was too trusting, that I can now not afford groceries this month. I am so careful with my money. I budget and save and pinch pennies everywhere I can. That money you stole, was meant to feed my family for the WHOLE month of October. 8 days in and I can't even buy an apple.<br />
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Thankfully I have food storage prepared for times like this. We will survive this month. But my trust and my heart are broken.<br />
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I hope that if I ever see you again that you will tell me what that money was used for. I hope next time you ask for some and I will gladly give you some. I hope you don't steal from anyone else. I hope you know I'm not mad. I hope your situation gets better, whatever you are going through.<br />
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I forgive you,<br />
Rikki Lynn Haws<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15484057397620711835noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2050314183703871508.post-89076529288324253952015-10-01T11:29:00.003-07:002015-10-08T21:33:40.031-07:00Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month<div style="text-align: center;">
October it Breast Cancer Awareness month! </div>
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Did you know it's also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month?<br />
Most people don't!</div>
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This is a great month as people raise awareness about Breast Cancer and many people wear pink ribbons or just pink in general and everyone knows what they are supporting.</div>
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This month remember to add a little blue as a memory to all those babies that have been lost, no matter at what age!</div>
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October 15th is officially a day to remember Pregnancy and Infant Losses. </div>
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Did you know 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriages?</div>
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Did you know that 6 out of 1000 babies die before the age of one (after having a live birth)?</div>
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Did you know most of those moms and dads think they are alone?</div>
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I know at first I did, but I was never afraid to talk about my losses. It was the hardest thing I have EVER had to go through in my life, but in speaking out about my experience I have gained great friendships, given courage and hope to others that have gone through or are currently going through a miscarriage themselves, and I have gained a greater piece of mind.</div>
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If you have a blog and have shared your miscarriage story, please leave the link in the comments below! I would love to read your story and have it there so others can read it and find strength also.</div>
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I have not yet typed up my full story, but on October 15th I will type up and post my full story of mine and my husband's miscarriages and how we got through! I challenge you (Of course only if you feel comfortable) to share your story on that day too!</div>
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You are not alone, you never have been and never will be! </div>
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Always Smile!</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15484057397620711835noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2050314183703871508.post-49225720819054137132015-09-14T11:10:00.000-07:002015-10-01T11:11:18.480-07:00Alexander's Three Months Old!<br />
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I'm a stay at home mom to the CUTEST 3 month old boy ever! Well, actually I do work a little, but I am lucky enough that my job allows me to take my son with me and take as many breaks as I need! It is seriously such a blessing for my family.</div>
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At three months he loves to stand up while being held! He can stand while holding onto things, like the couch or the back of the bench at church. His Grandpa walked at 7 months and his Daddy walked at 9 months so we will see when he walks!<br /></div>
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He is quite the little dancer. He just loves to move and groove whether he is standing up or laying down.</div>
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He's beginning to teethe... yay... they probably won't cut until 5-6 months though.</div>
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He loves going on walks with Mommy and Daddy and sitting in his stroller.</div>
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This is what happens when Xander won't smile at the camera... My husband makes him do the fishy face...</div>
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We also officially have a thumb sucker! Considering that I sucked my thumb until I was like 6, I am not that surprised. But we caught the first time he did it on camera! It's blurry but still adorable.</div>
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And look at my little helper! Xander loves sitting in his Bumbo while I cook or clean! As long as he can see mommy he's smiley and giggly!</div>
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His eyes are still a gorgeous deep dark blue, but occasionally they will have a few brown or green flecks in them, but sure hope I get a blue eyed boy! Oh, and his hair, definitely red in the sun! The new hair that is starting to grow also has some nice curl to it! </div>
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He is now super talkative. He could talk for days and tell you millions of stories if you let him. He growls and screeches and giggles. They are basically the best sounds I have heard in my entire life. </div>
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He can still fit in newborn clothes though he mostly wears 0-3 month clothes and he's still in size one diapers! He's such a little guy and we love it!</div>
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That's pretty much it! He's growing and learning and getting cuter everyday! Here are some more pictures to prove it!</div>
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Oh and who can resist lipstick kissy pictures of their baby? NOT ME!</div>
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Always Smile!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15484057397620711835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2050314183703871508.post-15722768811355447872015-09-13T21:36:00.000-07:002015-10-01T16:13:35.650-07:00My {not so} New Year's Resolution<br />
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I know, I know. It's not New Years. I'm either really behind or really ahead of the curve. I'll let you decide which ;)</div>
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Today in church we talked about all the the bad things going on in the world. The wars, murders, racism, the hate, lying, cheating, stealing, and just about every Evil thing you can think of and how everyone is attacking each other on social media. It seems that many people post things just to start an argument.Why?</div>
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A scripture came to my mind while I was listening to other's thoughts on the contention. If you are not LDS (Mormon), this scripture comes from the Book of Mormon, whether you believe in the Book of Mormon or not, I think we can agree on its text when Jesus says:</div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Pahoran, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 25.2px; text-align: start;">"29. For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of </span><span style="font-family: Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Pahoran, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 25.2px; text-align: start;">contention</span><span style="font-family: Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Pahoran, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 25.2px; text-align: start;"> is not of me, but is of the </span><span style="font-family: Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Pahoran, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 25.2px; text-align: start;">devil</span><span style="font-family: Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Pahoran, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 25.2px; text-align: start;">, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.00784314); font-family: Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Pahoran, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 25.2px;">30. Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things </span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.00784314); font-family: Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Pahoran, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 25.2px;">should</span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.00784314); font-family: Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Pahoran, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 25.2px;"> be done away.</span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Pahoran, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 25.2px; text-align: start;">"</span></span></div>
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3 Nephi 11:29-30</div>
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After we got home my head was just spinning with all kinds of thoughts about how <i style="text-decoration: underline;">I</i> could and should protect my little family from all that Evil. Especially being a new mom, the LAST thing I want to do is throw my son in the middle of everything. Can anyone else relate?</div>
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Then I got to thinking, Am I adding to the contention? Am I adding to the negativity? Am I part of the problem?</div>
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If I was, I didn't want to be. I DON'T want to be.</div>
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So, that's it, that is the reason for this post. The is my written resolution:</div>
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<span style="color: #cc0000;">I WILL BE A POSITIVE AND UPLIFTING VOICE IN THE FACE OF HATE AND CONTENTION. </span></div>
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Imagine what the world would be like if we all decided to do so?</div>
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This does NOT mean I don't have opinions on hot topics in the world, but rather I will defend my views in such a way that I support things I agree with rather than tear down what I do not.</div>
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That I will not force my opinions on those who do not see things my way.</div>
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I will try to keep this blog free of hate and contention the best that I can! I want to post about the positive things in my life and in the world so that this can be a safe haven for all those needing an positive boost! As commenters and readers I hope that you too will keep things positive on here and in your own lives as well!</div>
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Thank you for all your Love and support as I plan to spread happiness, love, positive thoughts and ideas to all those who read.</div>
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You are Beautiful, wonderful, and strong!</div>
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Always Smile!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15484057397620711835noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2050314183703871508.post-8551534560836969192015-09-12T18:06:00.000-07:002015-10-01T15:01:48.654-07:00And So it Begins...<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Well, Here goes nothing.<br />I am ready to become a <b>BLOG MOM</b>!</span><br />
A Blogger? ME? We'll see ;)<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Oh wow... a Mom. ME? I'm a MOM!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">When I started this blog two years ago, I had been married about 8 months and I could have never </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">foreseen</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> the journey we would go through!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Now we are about to celebrate our 3rd anniversary in December! Three amazing years with one amazing husband! I mean LOOK at that Stud! Don't look too much though, he's taken. (Sorry not sorry ladies)</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1b4HShisHw8KKaAlfz0LGQ1o2lhYKtihsAsH3Ifo3vAmEEbHS03Fygu-qRZR6EHvSJ2AmiUz6VWgjE3xK8JZhfj5rfJt_G8CNuqZSMhfRQLGO6IkRj-UzmJ7ChGq0ZacpEbwGFHuQ1Gg/s1600/download.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1b4HShisHw8KKaAlfz0LGQ1o2lhYKtihsAsH3Ifo3vAmEEbHS03Fygu-qRZR6EHvSJ2AmiUz6VWgjE3xK8JZhfj5rfJt_G8CNuqZSMhfRQLGO6IkRj-UzmJ7ChGq0ZacpEbwGFHuQ1Gg/s320/download.jpg" width="213" /></a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Not only do I have this handsome man, but another handsome little man just came into my life about 3 months ago!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRQFhwPfDJcmw6qEfgEZDgApdDG1MjD-6dHOUbw5OF3DxqtRSXZEGPGguuUXwAUKzbhBc8A6Qh4wNQnp1JpbDZN715ZIPjkHR7kqS_14Oy37moUv04e247-IRCCXeaqy7hriknvC2L9pU/s1600/IMG_5227.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRQFhwPfDJcmw6qEfgEZDgApdDG1MjD-6dHOUbw5OF3DxqtRSXZEGPGguuUXwAUKzbhBc8A6Qh4wNQnp1JpbDZN715ZIPjkHR7kqS_14Oy37moUv04e247-IRCCXeaqy7hriknvC2L9pU/s320/IMG_5227.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">How perfect is he? He's sweetest and funniest baby ever and I'm not biased. That's a whole different journey that will need to put in a few different posts. So, you can look forward to that.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I hope you enjoy my journey of the past, present, and future!</span><br />
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<b>Always Smile!</b></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15484057397620711835noreply@blogger.com0